Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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