you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
