I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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