remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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