i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
