So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
