ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
