You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
