Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
