its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
