i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
