So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
