I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
