I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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