Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
