I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
