; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
