naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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