I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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