paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
