Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
