hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
did i just pee glitter
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize