tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
