i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
