Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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