Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
