New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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