He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Rumble strips road head = magical
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
