Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
