I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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