I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
