This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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