Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
