my vag is so smooth its legendary
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
