I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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