Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
