You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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