so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
