Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
