Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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