The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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