Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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