Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
