I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
