I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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