I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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