I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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