i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
