then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
