i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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