Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize