Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
