It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
