Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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