My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
