i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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