Small penises have feelings too.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
