I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
