that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I wish I only lived at night.
Acid is not a monday night drug
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
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We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
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He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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