I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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