Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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