haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
