I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There r osticjed everywhere
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
