why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
