You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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