Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize