why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
