she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
