HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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