and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
