Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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