he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
